So there we were. Just the two of us. Alone and in the dark. I wondered if the small amber light above our heads revealed the fear in my eyes, the sweat of my brow, the relentless pounding of my heart in my chest. I wondered if it was obvious that I was nervous as hell, yet giddy like a little school boy. It was after all my first time. Yes, I was a virgin. I know, I know. At 31  you would think I would be much more experienced at this sort of thing. But I wasn’t. Its not that I never had the opportunity. I did. Plenty in high school. After all I was on the year book committee. Okay, maybe not plenty. Its just that at that age I had other interests. Football. Grades. Avoding being pounded by my older brother. No, it had to be the right place. The right time.  The right person to guide me. To gently walk me through this, step by step. I didn’t want to miss a thing.

I stepped forward, palms sweaty. I knew that I if I rushed it then bad things would happen and I would be horribly embarrassed. At the same time if I hesitated too long  the moment would be ruined. No, it had to be just right. “Here goes nothing” I whispered to myself. “Be. Amazing….”

I’m of course speaking of my first time hand developing my own film earlier this afternoon. And for the record, I was amazing. To see that image come to life literally took my breath away. Don’t get me wrong. I am and will always be a digital photographer. But there is no denying the spiritual and emotional investment one makes when realizing your vision from start to finish. From exposure to print. Its so innocent. So organic. And like a certain orange juice I love, “simply unfooled around with”.

This experience would not have been possible if not for the love and support of the couples who consitantly push me to new levels and the readers who encourage me beyond measure. To commemorate this wonderful experience I would like to give my very first, hand developed fine art print away to a reader who will enjoy this image as much as I enjoyed creating it.  Taken on my Holga 120N, the print, aptly named Number 1 is an 8″x8″ image on 11″x11″ Fujifilm Crystal Archival Paper, matted and framed. Just show some comment love to be eligible.  The winner will be announced one week from today so don’t wait. Leave some Goodness now! 

 They trust me. Its that simple. Where I see an amazing field with tall billowing grass, they see 5 barren acres of lifeless trees and thorny vines. But they trust me. “Lets roll” I said as I threw my shoot sac over my shoulder and charged into the brush like a general leading his soldiers to battle. Ben gave Mandy that “oh, what the hell”  shrug and followed behind, chair on head, the wintry wind already nipping at our noses. But they tru…”Aw man, watch out for the mud puddle”. “Too late”, Mandy sighed.

Here are a few of my favorite images from Mandy & Ben’s engagement session. For even more Goodness view their slide show HERE. You will be glad you did. Trust me…  

And now see the slide show HERE.

Lets face it. Love is an animal. Though my grandfather told me once that love is more like a bird, if u hold it tightly it dies, if u hold it slightly, it flies. People often ask me how I capture such intamacy in the couples I have the honor of photographing. The key is looking from a different perspective. I don’t see them as who they are that day, happy and carefree. I see them as they will be tomorrow. I see them in the road ahead, in both the good times and the bad and all that they will endure. Together. Some days there will be love made on the kitchen floor, and others there will be sleepless nights on the couch. I have known both. I received a letter earlier today from an old friend. She mentioned that she recently had her heart broke and could only wish to one day find someone that sees her the way that my couples see each other. How would she know when she has found the “one”?  Trust me when I say that tender gaze, that almost kiss, does not come without work. There will be joy, there will be pain. I have known both. If you are reading this I want you to know that you are amazing. He is not. And this is my advice to you. Find a boy who calls you beautiful instead of hot. Who calls you back when you hang up on him. Who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the boy who kisses your forehead. Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats. Who holds your hand in front of his friends. Who thinks you’re just as pretty without makeup on. You will know he is the one because he will apologize first even if he feels he was in the right, because being right won’t matter if you go to bed angry. When you tell a joke he will laugh out loud. He will constantly be reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have found you. He will turn to his friends and say, ‘that’s her.’ This is the bird that my grandfather spoke of. When you find this bird hold onto it but remember to give it room to grow. Room to breathe. Do this together. And when you find him, call me. I want to photograph it…

So there I was just finishing a bit of editing, minding my own busines, moments away from throwing a rubber ducky (don’t ask) at the latest episode of Jersey Shore when my phone rang. It was The Goodness. His name was Isaiah and he was calling because it was his and his soon to be fiance’s (fingers crossed) anniversary and was planning on popping the question in less than an hour. He was hoping I would be interested in photographing it. Interested? I had litterally showered, shaved, brushed my teeth, fed the dog, and even put a rack of baby backs in the slow cooker in less than 12 minutes. Flat. Next thing you know I was rolling down the interstate, windows down, with Ray LaMontagne pouring his broken heart out on the radio when I said to myself, “Self, I love my life“.

Isaiah later informed me that he had lurred Jelissa to a local park under the guise of an Sunday afternoon picnic. When he introduced us he surprised her by letting her know that they were really there for a mini portrait session to celebrate their wonderful milestone. Jelissa’s initial reaction went something like “But what about my hair?!?”. Priceless.

Well, thankfully Jelissa said yes otherwise that would have been hands down the most awkward shoot of my life. I am so happy to be able to share the images with you now. 

 Yes, I picked my clothes out last night and laid them across my bed.  Yes, I bought brand new paper (love that smell) and pens. Yes, I packed a lunch, which wasn’t very fun seeings how I am on a diet. For now. But its the first day of class and just like middle school (high school, not so much)  I am giddy to get started. One of my few New Years resolutions this year was to make conscious effort to dedicate more time to perfecting my craft. Be a better me. So with the addition of my Holga and Duaflex IV cameras it made perfect sense to register for a B&W film developing class. Sorry babe, you know those plans we had to finally fix up the guest room so your parents can stay over more? Great idea! Lets start by decorating it with 2 boxes of tin foil, a few wash basins, some clothes pins, and a red light bulb…

Don Harold, a cartoonist in the early 40’s once stated “Babies are such a nice way to start people”. Well said Don, well said. I would have to say that Lilianna Ruth is truly off to a beautiful start. Also be sure to enjoy Shelby and Jacob’s vintage inspired maternity session HERE.

These last four are from my Holga…

 I am very excited to announce the launch of my Facebook Fan page!  This page will be of special interest to other photographers because I plan on frequently posting editing tips and tricks and just about anything photography related that tickles my fancy. Of course everyone is invited so please click on my oh so good Facebook logo below or just head on over HERE and become a fan now!